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What's the point...?

Let me preface this blog with a quick little statement:
I am content being single, and it has taken me a long time to realize this. But, I am finally at terms with the fact that I don't need a guy to make me happy (for the next week or so, atleast..hahaha)! This is a big deal for any girl, I believe. So, while reading this, don't take it the wrong way and think that I'm putting down anybody - because that is really not my intention!

Relationships. What's the point? It's like every time I finally think "Hmm, I want that!" everything crumbles around me. The relationships I look up to and admire go to the dogs and people end up cursing the mere thought of a relationship. My friends get into relationships, or have sustained relationships, that ruin their friendships and connections with other people. What's the appeal of that? Maybe I'm a cynic because all of my past relationships have failed (epically) but I don't see the point of investing a ton of time into something that eventually will make me extremely unhappy. I see people investing their lives (time, energy, mood, effort, etc.) into a person that doesn't reciprocate these important aspects of a relationship. I feel like at this age, people either get it (and have great, healthy, sustaining relationships) or are they don't (and are sucked back down into the vortex of high school relationships).

I wish I wasn't like this, but lately the things around me have gotten me to think, "What's the point? Why would I want to do that to myself?"

On my mind lately:

Late-Teenage Crisis

They say that people go through a mid-life crisis, something that makes somebody question their purpose in life, their existence, their place.

Well, my "mid-freshman year crisis" or "late-teenage crisis" is upon me.

Why did I give up my dream of going to CSU to stay in Washington? It's not like I am unhappy here, I just question whether or not I made the right decision by giving into the norm of going to an in-state university. Part of me wishes I had a completely fresh start at the beginning of my college experience, while another part of me is gracious for having long-time friends that are here to experience freshman year right along with me. But what do I really want? What is going to ultimately make me happiest?

As of now, I don't even know what I want to major in let alone what I want to do with my life. I've put on this face like "I know what the hell I want and I'm going to get it" but I honestly have NO idea. Should I major in Communications because it's general and I enjoyed in in high school? Or should I keep searching to discover a more specialized major that I never knew I enjoyed.

I would love to drop everything at this moment and just go travel. Obviously this would be a horrible decision, and one I will not allow myself to make until I have graduated college. But I cannot wait to take a backpack to Europe and finally LIVE my life for two or three months.

Two people will understand this completely, so thank you in advance.

Peace.

if you would like to cry non-stop for two hours...

...watch My Sister's Keeper.

I loved it, although I sat on my couch drying my eyes for nearly the entire movie (in spurts of course).

This review, from The Hollywood Reporter sums up one view of the movie. I would recommend watching the entire movie - and not reading the rest of this review on the internet...I only included the portion that includes no *SPOILER ALERTS!*

"If you're going to make a weepy, there's no reason you can't make it with intelligence and insight as the makers of "My Sister's Keeper" have done. The audience manipulation -- if one wants to call it that -- comes from your understanding of these people and how this particular family operates in an atmosphere of love and mutual concern. The tragedy that forces its way into their midst is fought with tenacity, and the conflicts within the family are portrayed in such a manner that no one is a bad guy.

A film about a child with leukemia understandably has a small theatrical audience. Indeed, Jodi Picoult's novel, on which Jeremy Leven and director Nick Cassavetes' screenplay is based, might seem more at home on television, where illness, doctors and hospitals somehow feel less alarming. But "My Sister's Keeper" does benefit from a sagacious big-screen treatment: It allows for nuances and takes time to focus this story of an illness on all the people it affects."

DAMN, just thinking about it makes me wanna shed another tear. But, seriously, it's good. And it's beautiful too.