Questions

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages; however, it's been only 3 days. I never thought I'd get addicted to something like writing on a "stupid" internet site, yet here I am. It's 12am and instead of finishing my draft for English, I'm writing here. And let me tell you, the process is much easier.
Lately it seems like everything in my life is up-in-the-air. I don't really know what I want anymore, and the concept of "not knowing" is quite bothersome to me.

Photo found on a great art site, DeviantArt by Tomek-Manik

I'm getting to the point (even though I know I still have time) that I just want to get it over with and KNOW (like 100% sure know) what I want to do with the rest of my life. Because, shit, I've got a lot of living left in me.
I also had the realization tonight that the thing I want to do more than anything in life is travel - somehow I need to make a job out of that. There's a really cool internship through STA that would be so amazing to get. Sadly I think they're looking for people who've already traveled the world. Oh well! I can do that stuff on my own ;)
Okay, okay, enough procrastination for one evening! G'night blogger, I shall miss you.

Today's been a blogging sort of day

I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.

Truth.

The Gambler

I can't stop listening to this song. "The Gambler" by fun. Nate Ruess (formerly of The Format) apparently likes writing songs about his parents. Like "On The Porch" this is an adorable one:

Slow down,
we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes.
We've got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden
I don't care to beg your pardon,
We should live until we die.

We were barely 18 when we'd crossed collective hearts.
It was cold, but it got warm when you'd barely crossed my eye.
and then you turned, put out your hand,
and you asked me to dance.
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose.
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time.
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side.

It was the winter of '86, and all the fields had frozen over.
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
and now he's turning to a man, although he thinks just like his mother,
he believes we're all just lovers he sees hope in everyone.

And even though she moved away,
we always get calls from our daughter.
She has eyes just like her father's
they are blue when skies are grey
And just like him, she never stops,
Never takes the day for granted,
works for everything that's handed to her,
Never once complains.

You think that I nearly lost you
When the doctors tried to take you away.
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire
30 years ago to this day
You swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time
Well it's not time, you've never quit in all your life.
So just take my hand, you know that I'll never leave your side.
You're the love of my life, you know that I'll never leave your side.

You come home from work and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dogs and say that I should never feed them what is ours
and the kids are coming home
I'll set the table
You can make the fire.

Random thoughts

So, Brian and I have been obsessed with watching Prison Break lately. I might be obsessed because Wentworth Miller is, um, amazing. But, it's a fantastic show regardless. Anyway, we were at the IMA the other day and saw this guy running the track with Scofield-esque tattoos. Definitely not as attractive, but it was funny.

Friday night, Rachel and I went to SigEp's formal grab-a-date. Dinner, "South Pacific" and then a cocktail party. I absolutely loved "South Pacific" but I'm normally into stuff like that. One of the first songs, "Twin Soliloquies" started out with these lyrics:

Wonder how I'd feel
Livin' on a hillside,
Lookin' on an ocean,
Beautiful and still.

Basically, I loved it.
Saturday was ESPN College Game Day at UW. How many times does a college student get a chance to be pretty much featured on ESPN. It was crazy awesome. Rachel and I woke up at SigEp around 5am and literally RAN to HecEd to meet up with Nick, Jason and Jake in line - then we cheered from about 7am to 9am. Then got to hang out in Harshmann court for, uh, 7 hours until they let us back into HecEd to film some cheers for marketing. The UCLA game didn't even start until 6pm, yet we were there 13 hours prior. It was the longest day of my life, but so fun. The Dawg Pack definitely sent off Quincy in an amazing way, and he played awesome in his last game at home.
Got home last night, did some homework, uploaded pictures, and crashed. I was exhausted from sleeping for less than 3 hours in 36 hours. Even after 11 hours of sleep and an energy drink, I'm still a bit sleepy today.
Off to do some more homework - yippeee. Peace & love.

Uncertainty

Those who know me best know that I hate not knowing things or not having a plan. Especially things that have to do with me directly.
As of now, life seems full of uncertainties. I don't know what I really want to do for the rest of my life, let alone what I should major in. So I'm beginning to fall into my backup plans - which I hate. I absolutely hate "settling" for something if I'm not 100% sure it's what I want. But the clock is ticking, and I'm running out of time.
I need answers - a subconscious that just knows what is right for me and what isn't.
The most frustrating part is I don't know what I want anymore, and that's not only in the school aspect of my life. I'm at a crossroad, and I basically have the ability to do whatever I feel is right. The problem is I don't know what is right. Either way, I would be unhappy in one way or another.
Right now, the one thing I know for certain is that I want spring break to come faster :D