Ordinary Girl

Wow!! It's been far too long since I sat down and wrote for anything besides academia. My last post is from October 7 - nearly a month ago - and I'm pretty sure that is the absolute longest I've gone without writing a blog, or in my private journal, since I started writing down my thoughts consistently during my sophomore year of high school. How crazy is that?! I've been constantly narrating my life using lyrics, poems, anecdotes or diary-like posts/journal entries for over four years! Incredible...

I've obviously been super busy. School (first round of midterms complete...now onto round two!), work, the gym and attempting a social life has kept me busy at nearly every moment. Halloweek was a great success. I had so much fun with my girls! The progression of my costumes is as follows: boxer, Tom Cruise from Risky Business, green crayon & a nerd.

Rachel the scientist, Danielle the French maid

Of course Danielle & Regan were kitties :)

All the girls - 8 pack!

Kayla was Victoria Beckham...and looked the part! Can't believe we went to dinner downtown looking like this!

Pretty damn epic if I say so myself :) It was a great weekend, albeit unproductive, but great. Snapped back to reality last night when I realized I had a midterm tomorrow...yikes! So here I am, sitting in the library BLOGGING instead of studying. I'm horrible.

Hmm...so let's see here. Life. I can't really complain right now which is refreshing! :) I'm surrounded by the greatest friends I could have ever imagined and I'm building relationships with them that I'm positive will last a lifetime. It's one of those things you always think about when you're younger...questions like: Who will be at my wedding? Who is going to be the "pseudo-aunt/uncle" to my kids when that time comes around? Who do I want to live down the street from in an ideal world? I feel like some of these questions will be answered this year and that seems so surreal to me, but it's absolutely incredible!

One of my best friends told me awhile ago that I need to "evaluate" myself - figure out what I want, what I need, etc. I've been working on that the past month or so. Really digging into my soul to figure out what it is that's best for me. What I've decided is that what I want and what I need are two very different things right now. What I ultimately want, I'm not ready for. So why would I want to waste that now when I know that it's not the right timing? This has been a tricky realization - but I know that it's what is best right now :) Despite my moments of frustration and breakdown, I know that the situation I'm in currently is going to be okay because right now - I'm not ready for more, and I don't want to accept less. I'm in the middle-ground, and as annoying as that is sometimes, it is ideal. Many may not understand why I put up with this, but unless they have been there themselves, it's hard to really know.

Due to this new outlook, my previous post has been resolved. As much as I care - this thorn cannot consume my thoughts. It's a small bump in the road, and I'm confident that things will be sorted out in due time. And it's great to realize that each day I wake up, it is easier to accept that fact.

However scattered this blog is, the "word vomit" was necessary. I can never let myself go this long without writing again because this is only a scratch at the surface of what has been going through my mind the past month. On a completely random note, this reggae I'm listening to in the library is making me wanna dance - but I should really be studying above everything else...so here we go! Back to biopsychology ;)

I'll leave you with this, from Rebelution's song "Ordinary Girl" that's currently BLARING through my headphones...I someday want a boy to sing me this entire song:

"You're no ordinary girl, yeah you always speak your mind

You're no ordinary girl, yeah you're one of a kind

You're no ordinary girl, yeah well I can see it in your eyes

You're no ordinary girl, yeah oh yes that's right"

Peace and love (as always).