Monday, December 27, 2010

Gravity

Last night was just what I needed.
As I sat in the passenger seat on the way to Bellevue, I spilled my guts; and afterward my best friend, sometimes the only person that can see my mind clearly, brought me back to earth. It’s a harsh reality that I did not want to hear, much less accept.
We had a great dinner at Cheesecake Factory and then shuffled across the street to see How Do You Know? at Lincoln Square. Pretty typical chick flick about a girl dating the wrong guy, while the right guy sits on the sidelines yearning for her attention…we all knew what was going to happen in the end. But really…? It’s a movie! How often in the real world does the right guy get left behind? It kind of got my mind working.
Had a few texts to return after the movie, then we hit the road for home. The following two songs came on, back to back, and I felt like I was in another world: 

“Gravity” –Sara Bareilles 
“Come Round Soon” –Sara Bareilles 
As I sat in the passenger seat on the way home from Bellevue, I let the music take me over; I hummed, and I sang. The headlights of cars travelling north blinding me, transfixing me, yet at the same time grounding me. And for the first time in a very long time, I realized that no matter what happens in the next few months…I can be in control and I am going to be okay.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

maniac

Monday, December 20, 2010

To Do - 12/20 to 1/2

Things to accomplish while in the 253:
-Go to Zoolights
-Make sure the people at Trapper still know me
-Drive around and look at Christmas lights
-Skype Kelsey on Christmas day while we watch the amazing NBA lineup
-Go to the mountains & shredddd
-Finish my book
-Spend a day wandering Seattle or Tacoma with absolutely no agenda
-Plan something epic for New Year's Eve
-Not think about what happens after Jan. 2

Movies to see:
-Black Swan
-The Fighter
-True Grit
-How Do You Know?


CAN YOU HELP ME?!?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A few thoughts

Home.
Time slows down.
Relaxation.
My "life pace" falls instantly.
Sleep comes easier.
Pages begin to turn rapidly.
My pen seems to write more fluidly.
Peace.
New friends; old friends.
Decompression.

Let's see how long this can keep up.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

List

Things I'm thankful & grateful for:
  1. My best friends, no matter if they're near or far in distance
  2. Post-it notes with thoughtful messages
  3. The opportunity to go to the University of Washington and receive a great education
  4. Family
  5. Being able to watch NBA, NFL & NCAA on television because I can never be there in person
  6. Having roommates that are insomniacs
  7. Getting to talk to my big sister while she is in Montana
  8. "Good morning" and "good night" text messages
  9. New adventures and opportunities arising with a friend-of-a-friend, an amazing musician
  10. Going home to see you
  11. Good music
  12. Digital cameras to document nights that you can't remember
  13. Having a best friend who works at 5th Avenue Theater in Seattle
  14. Hair straighteners
  15. Free "extra shots" during finals week at all the campus coffee shops
  16. Witnessing my best friend fall in love
  17. Skype - so that I can see my roomies over break
  18. The fact that...finals are over!!!!!!

This list is brief, and there are certainly things I am forgetting...but sometimes it's just good to be thankful!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Finals are upon us

Finals week - it's the week college students dread, yet ironically look forward to, all quarter. It marks the end of a quarter or semester, and the beginning of a "brain break." It's when a person's true character glows through to the exterior and when thousands of extra-shot coffees are consumed. 


This quarter, I'm ready. I'm ready to be done with these classes; I'm ready for break; and I'm ready to get a fresh start in January! :)

Monday, December 6, 2010

Brand New Day

I decided to "Shuffle" my iPod this morning on the way to class instead of listening to my normal playlist...it started off with some Muse, then transitioned into a lower-key, Joshua Radin tune. Nostalgic to say the least!

"It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long, long time
I know, I'll be ok"

Fitting :)


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Joy

Hmm. So let's see here...the past month has been pretty friggin good :) I look back on the past 30 days and I can't help but just smile. 

Kelsey's birthday weekend - check! Veteran's Day in Vancouver - check! Amy's birthday weekend - check! Snow days - check! Thanksgiving break - check! Best friends - check! Husky Basketball - check! Parties - check! Life cleanse - check! Apple Cup WIN - check! Great conversations - check! 
Geez...that made me feel so accomplished :) Earlier today I was trying to think of the last time I was this comfortable with everything surrounding me, and determined that it has been FAR too long. But today, I find myself blissful, peaceful and full of joy. I'm holding on to this feeling with everything in me, because I don't want to have to wish for it anymore. It's here.
My best friend, roommate and life-twin gave me a card a few weeks ago, and I feel like it completely applies now. This is all it said:

peace.
it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart.
(unknown)

I'm honestly just on top of the world. One more week of class - 3 days of finals - and then I'm home for two and a half weeks. I'm really going to miss all of my friends up in Seattle, but I'm unbelievably excited for what this break has to offer :) Here goes nothing!


joy [joi]
noun
the emotion of great delight or happiness caused exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Curveballs

Man, sometimes life just throws you a curveball...



EMBRACE IT! :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Constellations

It is seriously my dream to have a night where the night sky is perfectly clear, there is snow everywhere around me, and I'm curled up in a (really warm) blanket with some form of hot beverage in my hand just looking up at the night sky.  I don't know what it is about star-gazing that gets me, but it does.  I could lay under the stars for hours if I'm in the right mood and be perfectly content with life.
This might be a stretch, but I think that stars are a good reflection of people. You can look at them as a whole (the entire night sky/the entire human race), a portion (a section of the sky/ a constellation/a more defined group of people), or singularly (one star/one person).  Each view can offer a different perspective.  Some look better & fit better in a group than others, even though they're all in the same general area. No matter what, each individual is beautiful and distinct.  Some stand out, and others fade further into the background - but each is necessary for the whole picture to work.
I think I just got way too simile-y for my own good...but it was an interesting thought that ran through my mind this afternoon.
Made me think of this picture I took at the Jack Johnson concert at the Gorge in October. This is during his song "Constellations" - so pretty, and fitting.


I've been home for approximately 31 hours and it's been everything I expected, I suppose. Tomorrow we're trekking to Bellingham for Thanksgiving day and then heading back home on Friday morning. I got the GREATEST news today about my best friend...it's still a secret though, so no disclosure via blogging :) Basically it made my day 230948 times better!
I'm excited for the weekend when I get back from Bellingham. Hopefully the winter wonderland that has taken over Puyallup will have subsided enough so that I can safely drive. Once I get out my neighborhood it wouldn't be a big deal, but right now it's like a solid sheet of ice. I'm excited to see a few people I haven't had the chance to see in a long time - whether it be from school, distance, or months of silence. Not gonna lie, I'm a little bit anxious about it too. It's a weekend of reunions I suppose :)
As for now, I'm exhausted and it's not even midnight...this is what the 253 does to me (or that's what Brian & I attribute it to)! I'm going to try to finish watching "The Holiday" tonight. I've watched it for 4 nights now (not even consecutive!) and I still haven't gotten all the way through. 5th night's a charm?

Goodnight; peace; love <3

Monday, November 22, 2010

Exciting stuff

I can now blog from my iPod :)
It's also snowing outside!
Today is the best!!!!!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Complicated

Let's start this by saying that Rihanna's new album "Loud" is incredible. Me and the roomies have been blasting it throughout the cluster since we got our hands on it. Her voice is pure, the album is diverse, and like usual she writes from her heart.


Complicated may be my favorite song on the CD because it resonates with me and I wish it didn't. I know a lot of people who agree with me when I say that I can relate. Why do people put up with shit like this?

"Cause every minute you start switching up 
And you say things like you don't give a fuck 
Then I say I'm through with you 
Take my heart from you 
And you come runnin after me and baby I'm back with you"

On a BIT of a side-note, I've been stronger & better lately.
But for now, back to studying. I'm unbelievably excited for Thanksgiving break...can't wait to get some sleep :)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

this is good shit

"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter."


Saturday, November 6, 2010

Lie To Me - Greg Laswell


What of my escape
What else can I say
I'll play dead and you can stay
and I'll help you kill your time
If you help me kill my night
and maybe one day get it right

Go ahead and lie to me
I'll believe in anything you say tonight
Go ahead and lie to me
Write I love you while I sleep
and hide it for another day to find

I will not confuse
this with something true
Only that what gets us through
And I wonder down the line
when both of us are fine
My mind wanders there sometimes

Go ahead and lie to me
I'll believe in anything you say tonight
Go ahead and lie to me
Write I love you while I sleep
and hide it for another day to find

I don't mind playing the fool
I don't mind playing the fool
I don't mind playing the fool

Go ahead and lie to me
I'll believe in anything you say tonight
Go ahead and lie to me
Write I love you while I sleep
and hide it for another day to find

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

parte dos

Tonight I was thinking to myself - wondering why I often allow myself to be in less-than-desirable situations. It's not as if I don't realize what I'm getting myself into, or letting myself succumb to...I just don't care enough to stop it. I honestly think it's because I'm afraid of the inevitable loss, opposed to looking toward the possible gain. Certainty vs. uncertainty.

My old youth pastor said this tonight, as a part of his facebook status: "Life is fragile, live intentionally." For some reason tonight, as I look out the window at the lights illuminating U-Village, this resonates with me. What am I doing to live my life intentionally? Are my decisions at the present helping or harming my future?

Just some food for thought :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Ordinary Girl

Wow!! It's been far too long since I sat down and wrote for anything besides academia. My last post is from October 7 - nearly a month ago - and I'm pretty sure that is the absolute longest I've gone without writing a blog, or in my private journal, since I started writing down my thoughts consistently during my sophomore year of high school. How crazy is that?! I've been constantly narrating my life using lyrics, poems, anecdotes or diary-like posts/journal entries for over four years! Incredible...

I've obviously been super busy. School (first round of midterms complete...now onto round two!), work, the gym and attempting a social life has kept me busy at nearly every moment. Halloweek was a great success. I had so much fun with my girls! The progression of my costumes is as follows: boxer, Tom Cruise from Risky Business, green crayon & a nerd.
Rachel the scientist, Danielle the French maid

Of course Danielle & Regan were kitties :)

All the girls - 8 pack!

Kayla was Victoria Beckham...and looked the part! Can't believe we went to dinner downtown looking like this!

Pretty damn epic if I say so myself :) It was a great weekend, albeit unproductive, but great. Snapped back to reality last night when I realized I had a midterm tomorrow...yikes! So here I am, sitting in the library BLOGGING instead of studying. I'm horrible.
Hmm...so let's see here. Life. I can't really complain right now which is refreshing! :) I'm surrounded by the greatest friends I could have ever imagined and I'm building relationships with them that I'm positive will last a lifetime. It's one of those things you always think about when you're younger...questions like: Who will be at my wedding? Who is going to be the "pseudo-aunt/uncle" to my kids when that time comes around? Who do I want to live down the street from in an ideal world? I feel like some of these questions will be answered this year and that seems so surreal to me, but it's absolutely incredible!
One of my best friends told me awhile ago that I need to "evaluate" myself - figure out what I want, what I need, etc. I've been working on that the past month or so. Really digging into my soul to figure out what it is that's best for me. What I've decided is that what I want and what I need are two very different things right now. What I ultimately want, I'm not ready for. So why would I want to waste that now when I know that it's not the right timing? This has been a tricky realization - but I know that it's what is best right now :) Despite my moments of frustration and breakdown, I know that the situation I'm in currently is going to be okay because right now - I'm not ready for more, and I don't want to accept less. I'm in the middle-ground, and as annoying as that is sometimes, it is ideal. Many may not understand why I put up with this, but unless they have been there themselves, it's hard to really know.
Due to this new outlook, my previous post has been resolved. As much as I care - this thorn cannot consume my thoughts. It's a small bump in the road, and I'm confident that things will be sorted out in due time. And it's great to realize that each day I wake up, it is easier to accept that fact.
However scattered this blog is, the "word vomit" was necessary. I can never let myself go this long without writing again because this is only a scratch at the surface of what has been going through my mind the past month. On a completely random note, this reggae I'm listening to in the library is making me wanna dance - but I should really be studying above everything else...so here we go! Back to biopsychology ;)
I'll leave you with this, from Rebelution's song "Ordinary Girl" that's currently BLARING through my headphones...I someday want a boy to sing me this entire song:

"You're no ordinary girl, yeah you always speak your mind
You're no ordinary girl, yeah you're one of a kind
You're no ordinary girl, yeah well I can see it in your eyes
You're no ordinary girl, yeah oh yes that's right"

Peace and love (as always).

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Incomplete

I've started attempted to start this post about ten times in the past twelve hours...and I think I've decided that my problem is the fact my mind is in about a million different places at the moment. Part of me feels selfish for worrying about the "little things" but right now, to me, these things are consuming.

Friendship is always something that has run parallel to disappointment for me. I hate to be negative about something that can be such a joyous and beautiful thing - but for whatever reasons I have had a tough time discovering (or keeping) friends over the years. I've lost good friends & great friends through petty arguments, stupid "girl drama" and for reasons unknown to me. That being said, however, the people I consider to be my true friends are INCREDIBLE. I cannot emphasize enough how lucky I am to be surrounded by them...and I would give absolutely anything for them. I've mentioned in previous blogs that I put 100% into relationships - friendship included. I don't half-ass care about my friends, I love with everything in me. 
From disappointment, however, I've begun to build walls. Strong fortresses to surround my heart. I'm careful with whom I disclose information important to me, and opening up on deep emotional levels does not come easy anymore. 
I've met very few people in recent years that I can sit down and have a real conversation with - one where I am completely unafraid of their reactions. I'm talking about somebody that I can spill my guts to, say exactly what I'm thinking at any moment (and have them legitimately understand), call them blacked out & crying and know that the next time we talk or see each other everything will be okay. Over the past few months, every single brick from my wall came down...and surprisingly it was easy. I don't think I've ever had a friendship feel so comfortable, especially so early-on. 
Yet, here I am. I'm disappointed; I'm frustrated; I'm sad; I feel wasted. 
I really do not know what I would have done without you, so thank you for being there when I needed it most - but I still need want you around now. With the heartbreaking news of Carly Henley last night, I can't help but realize how much true friendship does mean, and yours means a lot. Obviously more than you realize, 'cause I'm kinda missing my best friend right now.
I'll close with this, because I don't really know what else to say that would do much good: We're alive, we're living, and we shouldn't be taking any moments for granted. 

Solemn

My heart goes out to the families and friends of both Carly Henley (UW) and Dwight Clark (WWU). It has been a difficult day for colleges in Washington State today. As we mourn the loss of these two individuals, may we all become more grateful of those around us and aware of our own blessings. Don't take life for granted <3

Friday, October 1, 2010

Standing Right In Front Of You - Keith Urban

Out on the street corner
Just like every morning I sit here
And I watch you walk my way
And even though I don’t know you
As you get closer I swear I feel
My heart start racing, aching
Maybe it’s in my mind
And maybe I’m only dreaming
And I swear you catch my eye
As you walk on by
Oh why you gotta leave me so blue

Baby why can’t you see
That I’m the only one for you
You could search the world over
But you’ll never find another so true
Cause if you’re looking for love
I’m standing right in front of you

I bet your heart, like mine
Has been broken by someone
We never should have given it to (oh no)
So we put up a wall to keep from falling so hard
It’s so sad
Cause there’s such good love inside
And I’ve been hoping that I might find
Someone who feels the same way
Someone to share my life
On this beautiful ride together
We could see it all through

Baby why can’t you see
That I’m the only one for you
You could search the world over
But you’ll never find another so true
Cause if you’re looking for love
I’m standing right in front of you

So this morning I’m just going to walk up and say hello to you
Cause if given a choice between love and being alone
I know which one
I know which one I choose
And give me a chance
I’d be a better man for you (I believe I would)
And open your heart girl
Let me make your dreams come true

You can search the world over
But I can take it to the moon
Cause if you’re looking for love
I’m standing right in front of you (yes I am)
Standing right in front of you
Open your eyes, I’m standing right in front of you
Just give me a chance baby
I'm standing right in front of you

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Advice from a good friend

"...at the end of the day being with someone in somewhat of a romantic capacity relationship or not is a choice. People make these decisions for a variety of reasons which span from truly being in love to not wanting to be/not knowing how to be alone. Unfortunately a majority of people convince themselves it's love when really it's the exact opposite. Although I'm a true believer in that we will never know if it's true love and that love is something different for every individual couple I don't believe that this decision should be made unless there is a true possibility of that love. And the fact of the matter is that you can't love, nor can't be loved (in a fruitful and healthy way) until you love yourself. That is until you love and accept yourself without any other influence. I know it seems dumb/rhetorical and it's tough as shit but it's not only healthy but also better in the long run. We as humans inherently use an emotional framework to make pretty logical decisions. It's irrational."

THANK YOU :)

Monday, September 27, 2010

picture & quote of the day


translation : life is more than merely staying alive

p.s. - this picture was taken from my window...beautiful (and humid) day in Seattle <3

She's Out of My League

Watched "She's Out of My League" last night with Kayla, Rach & Jason.

So, Kirky, let me tell you something, if Molly is the right girl, that's all that matters. You just, you stand up. You stand up. You get in front of her. You get right in front of her and you say, "Hey, I am Kirk Kettner, and I am right here, standing in front of you... right here. Here I am." Something like that. 

He's got a point.

So, it really sucks when you feel like you know a person inside and out and then all of a sudden everything changes.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Blank

It's a bit dreary here today. But I am inspired to write for the first time in what feels like forever and I'm not quite sure why. I'm sitting in my room listening to the rain (and an amazing "modern mixtape" from my best friend) drinking my iced pumpkin spice americano and I have A LOT on my mind. So much so that I'm not exactly sure what this post is going to turn into. I'm drowning in my own thoughts...so fasten your seat belts readers ;)


I've been thinking a lot about genuine happiness lately. I actually wasn't thinking about it much until I started to talk about with with somebody who's a bit like my confidante. We are both in similar (if not the same) boats in the fact that there is a lot up in the air. I don't know what is going to make me genuinely happy right now...moving back to school, fixing things with my parents, getting into a relationship, starting over, ridding myself of stress-causers? I don't know. Maybe one of these things is the ticket to happiness, but I really have no clue. All I know is that I'm NOT genuinely happy right now. I get up and walk through my day and go to bed that night feeling unaccomplished, unmotivated and unenthusiastic. I hate it - but at the same time, I don't know how to change it. I'd love to just BE happy, but it's not that simple. I was happy 2 months ago - but things were different. My home life was different, my relationships with friends and lovers was different, I wasn't counting down the days until Seattle. I guess you could say that I'm currently "on the pursuit of happiness." This isn't a bad place to be, I suppose, going into my sophomore year of college. In the movie with Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness, there's a quote I remember as Smith's character is feeling really low (granted I didn't remember the entire thing, thank you IMDB :) He, as the narrator, says:
It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?
My outlook is different than this, though. There IS happiness and that is something that I am 100% sure about. I'm sure the tables will turn soon and I'll forget about this moment, right here & now.

Another thing I've been thinking lots about lately is unsureness. I, too, need to figure out what I want out of my life right now. But a lot of what's been weighing me down is what seems to be the hype of high school/college dating these days is "gaming." Wheeling and dealing your way into a relationship only to bail out or string along the other party. And to be perfectly honest, it drives me crazy. If you want something, and really want it - GO FOR IT. There shouldn't be a major decision making process in figuring out if the other person is worth it or not. (Hmm...maybe I should take a piece of my own advice). But, seriously?! What is with this game playing?!? You either want me, or not...and I'd prefer you make up your mind sooner rather than later. Because as of now, I'm exhausted and done trying to figure your shit out. You're a lost cause.

In happy news - I'm going to coffee tomorrow with Kate and Frejya and I'm so excited. I miss Kate so much, she was like a mom/big sister to me for so many years and I want to catch up on each other's lives. Plus I get to meet Frejya...she's ADORABLE :) Then afterward I'm going to Seattle to get some shopping done. I have the car for the day so I have to make the most of it, of course!

I can't write anymore, my brain hurts and I don't know what else to say at the moment. More to come, as usual.

Friday, September 3, 2010

B&W

Sometimes I feel like life would be easiest if there was a clear-cut answer: black & white, right & wrong, etc. Things would be much more simplistic and easy...almost as if the answers were laid out in front of you. It would be plain and simple, literally. No funny business - which would be nice for a change. Black and white seems more...honest?




But how boring would living in black and white be when you can be surrounded by the beauty and complexity of color on a daily basis? Whenever I wish things were more simple, I begin to think of how plain/boring things would be as well.

I'll put up with the wishy-washyness of life for awhile as long as I get to enjoy the beauty of it all along the way.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tendencies & normalcy

It's crazy what one year can do to you. What seemed normal and comfortable for me for 18 years of my life was this:

  • living in Puyallup
  • having rules
  • knowing the streets backward & forward and being able to notice minute changes in signage, traffic signals, etc.
  • working out at the good ol' Mel Korum Y every day
  • realizing that on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday night your best bet of hanging out with people was either going to a movie, bowling at Daffodil, hanging out at Big Foot or getting out of Puyallup and going somewhere else
And now after only one year of living away from home and in Seattle at UW all of this (what felt so normal for so long) feels unbelievably wrong. I am literally counting down the days until I can move back to what feels like home now. The Seattle lights, the constant bustle of a college campus nestled in the city, the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want to, the knowledge that there is always somebody there to talk to, and the parties are calling my name...I miss everything about the university lifestyle. Only 19 days til I get to go home :) I don't plan on spending another summer in Puyallup - I will do anything to avoid it to be perfectly honest.

I wanted to write about something else - tendencies - hence the title of this blog. But I can't seem to find the right words to express my disappointment in myself at the moment. And I don't feel like I could poetically state what's going on in my brain. So I'll leave it at this...habits are shitty and I wish I could get out of my rut.

The End.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Effort

I'm a giver.

I give 100% to everything I do, and to the people that matter most to me.
I put all of myself into whatever I'm doing at the moment and I put all of myself into building and sustaining relationships.

Sometimes this blows up right in front of me, bringing me down with it momentarily. And whenever I'm down I always find myself thinking that it is my fault. "If I focused more on myself, maybe this wouldn't happen."

But here's the truth: I would rather give 110% and fall on my face, than not try hard enough and wish I had.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Short

There's really not much to say other than that I am happy :) Really and truly happy.
I can't wait to go to the Caymans in FIVE days, and I've had the best few weeks at home.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

:)


"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, June 28, 2010

Brief

I'm gonna keep it short. Blogging hasn't been my thing lately. I've been journaling...but I feel like there's not much I want the world to know.

Here's the skinny:

1) I'm working at the Windmill for the summer...it's a nice change from the Stortini's thing.
2) I would much rather be in Seattle.
3) Every minute I can, I'm at the lake with Dallas. It's the only time I truly feel like it's summer.
4) I'm counting down the days to my Cayman Islands trip (right now, 25)
5) I think I might start writing a book...this shall be interesting.

Peace <3

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Update:

Hello world,
I feel like it's been awhile...again! I've been horrible at keeping up lately. Even James commented on it! (Are you happy now, James? You got a shout-out!)
So let's see...freshman year is pretty much over. I have one more final on Thursday, and that's it! I move out, and I've completed one year of college. How crazy is that?!? I can't believe how fast time has gone by, it literally feels like yesterday that I was at my first tailgate, moving in, wandering the Ave. with no idea where to go or what to do. I loved Seattle before, but after living here (even if it was just for a year) I can't imagine living in a place other than a city. I absolutely love it.
I've booked my flight to go to the Cayman Islands with Chanel and her family at the end of July! I honestly couldn't be more excited about that trip. It's going to be absolutely amazing, and I can't wait to just lay on the beach with my best friend for a week! :) So excited!!!!!!
Also in news, I defaced my body a little bit more. This time, no piercings...but I do have a new little addition on my ankle! :) Been wanting a tattoo for a really long time, and this is the design I've had in mind for over a year now! Finally went and got it done this past weekend and I'm stoked! I love it.


My parents weren't so thrilled...but I'm pretty sure I had them convinced and prepared before they found out yesterday so it wasn't too bad! It's still weird looking down at my foot though and realizing that it's there - forever. Love it!
Cannot wait for summer...Dallas and I have already planned our first lake day for this weekend. Pretty much the minute I arrive home. Nick's home this weekend. Matt's coming home in the beginning of July for a week. I'm going to the Caymans. Danielle and I already have tickets to see John Mayer, Keith Urban and The Avett Brothers at the Gorge in August. It's going to be a pretty legit three months!
I'm off to work now, but there's a bit of a life update for all of you readers :)
Much love, as always.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

2 years

Time is an incredible thing. Honestly, it flies by! But I find it incredible that when you look back on important events, turning points, etc. you can remember every minute detail.

Exactly two years ago, May 29, 2008, somebody wrote me a letter. At the time it meant the world to me - I could have read it a million times and never gotten tired of reading the same words over & over again. And in a way, it still means as much, just in a different way.

This single piece of paper, which I uncovered while reorganizing parts of my closet, has reminded me of how much I've grown, how much I've changed, and prompts me to think of what is to come in my life.

I hope to one day receive a different letter...one that can accomplish all of this and more; one that will change my life forever, not just for a moment :)

P.S. - Thank you.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

NOW

I need to stop thinking about the past, and pondering about the future.
I need to start living in the moment.
Because what's done is done, and what's to come can only be determined by the decisions I choose to make today.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Purposeless

It's kinda lame that my first "May" blog is over two weeks in...wow! I've been horrible at keeping up with this during spring quarter. My schedule from day to to day is:
1) class
2) lunch
3) work
4) gym and/or running
5) dinner
6) study
7) sleep
8) repeat.
But, I'm making it work and it's a bit of a blessing in disguise.
Danielle and I studied last night til about 9, popped in a movie and fell asleep almost instantaneously. We were watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and the last part I remember is when they take the ship from the Commodore. So, like 30 minutes in maybe? Good times. That is such a great movie though.
I don't have a purpose of writing this blog. I guess I'm writing to say that I'm alive & to say that I haven't given up blogging...I just don't have time :(
Less than a month until summer! I am so excited for lake days, concerts, picnics, late nights, tanning, etc. Woohooo!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

one more day...

This has been one of the longest weeks of my life. I feel like it should have been Friday yesterday! But, the worst is over! :] I'm done with all of my freshman year midterms (success!) and I didn't fail Econ as bad as I thought I was going to.

I just caught up on glee and I am still in love with Kristen Chenoweth. Mmm, amazing.
Exhibit A.



Anyway, tonight is a "me night" and I'm quite excited. Because I don't care about catching up in Com until tomorrow. Tonight is about relaxing, and enjoying myself. I feel like I haven't taken the time to do that in awhile!

Peace and love, as always.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The little things

Lately, I've just had to appreciate the little things in my life. With the hectic/crazy/stressful live I've been living, I have barely had the time to "stop and smell the roses" per say, so it's become the minuscule things that make my days worthwhile!

Examples:
-Having the chance to talk to one of my best friends about something extremely important to me
-Eating fro-yo with Danielle after studying for hours in the library
-Discovering an old playlist on my iPod that I absolutely love
-Having visitors in the advisory while I work
-Finally understanding a concept in Econ that was ridiculously confusing
-Facebook chatting with Ry on my iTouch while I "studied" in the library (concealing it in my book obviously makes it better)
-Seeing my parents last night at my concert
-Having straight hair for a few days
-Laughing out loud as we listen to Duncan Sheik's "Half-Life" because Kristen has to learn about them again
-Getting to sleep at 12am, knowing that I have almost 8 hours ahead of me :)

It's off to bed for me, but take a few moments in the next couple of days to notice the little things that make you smile. They really add up! :)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Powerful messages

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent”
-Victor Hugo
I was walking by the music building today and I watched 4 consecutive people stop dead in their tracks, look up, and just listen. Somebody was rehearsing a piano-accompanied french horn solo with the windows open and it was beautiful. This got me to thinking about how powerful music is. There are no words that tell you how to feel, but the melodies, harmonies, dynamics and phrasing carry a person through a piece and words become unnecessary. Music is expressive; it does things that words can't a lot of the time. It serves as a release, it moves people, it can heal. It depicts the most beautiful and the most terrible of times.

I turn to music to relieve stress, to calm fears and to express passions. I know many others that do too. I think Maya Angelou depicted it best when she said "Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." Seeing the face of a musician lost in the magical land that music can transport you to is explanation enough.

Whether you're listening to Bach Concerto in A-minor, playing Pachelbel's Canon in D or picking up an instrument for the first time...music is powerful. It always has been, and it always will be.
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
-Berthold Auerbach

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I still remember

About a year and a half ago, I took a bribe from my so-called best friend to do something I wasn't 100% sure about. I still can't forget that day, that week or the months that followed.

I'm still sorry that I hurt you because I was too scared of what would happen.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

So much for that!!!!

So, I wasn't going to blog because I didn't feel like I had stuff to blog about...but lo and behold, it's been less than a day and I'm back at it. First of all, this song is amazing. It used to be on Ryan Monroe's myspace, but they finally put it on Infinite Arms. Thank god!



So, I never remember my dreams and it was a miracle that I remembered this one....in my dream I woke up and looked at my alarm clock and it said "2:42" but it was really sunny and bright outside so I freaked out thinking that it was 2:42pm. The one thing I thought of in my dream was that I missed brunch at the 8 which closes at 2pm. How depressing is that?!? I dreamed about sleeping in super late and the only thing I was concerned about was food. hahaha. When I woke up at 11am I was quite pleased that I still had time to go ;] I had to laugh.

Also, today was gorgeous outside. It looked like it was going to be about 70 degrees outside, and judging by the temperature of my room I wouldn't have been surprised. It was a bit colder than that (probably about 50) but it was still sunny and nice. I got a ton of econ homework done this morning after breakfast, then went downtown to meet Brian for coffee in between his shows. I got to rock my new sunglasses and wear a cute springy outfit which was exciting! :] The sale racks at Urban were absolutely amazingggg, so naturally I spent the money I wasn't planning on spending. Go me! But, I got some good stuff! :]

I don't really know what to think about the conversations of the past few days with a certain person, but I'm just going to see what happens I suppose. It's good to be getting on the right track again, so I'm excited for that sole reason. It makes my head hurt to think about it too much and Brian was just like "Megan! You need to stop frickin over-analyzing everything like I do and just do what you want!" Which is very true. Unfortunately I don't know what I want. So, I guess we'll just see how things go. As for now, what the hell ever!

Blogger, I'm glad we only took a momentary hiatus. I'm baaacccckkkk :]

Friday, April 23, 2010

Meh

I have zero motivation to write on here anymore. Which is really sad, because it's always been my release. I just feel like my life has become so static that there's not a lot to write.

When I get some inspiration I will return to my habitual blogging, like before :]

Saturday, April 17, 2010

A moment to breathe

Feels like I haven't written in AGES. Probably because I haven't. My schedule is killer this quarter, I basically have class from 8:30-12:00 every day, I work from 1:00-5:00 then I hit the gym til around 7:30 or 8:00. The rest of my evening is spent doing reading or homework until I can't stay awake anymore...then I just pass out, and do it again! I'm not complaining, though, especially because it's been keeping me on top of school a lot more than I was during Fall or Winter quarter. It's just sad that I barely get to see people or have a moment to myself to just sit and do nothing. I love and cherish those moments so very much.
Last night I finally felt like I was back to Winter quarter, just hanging out with everybody and it was great! Nick, Collin and I drove and met Rachel and Kelsey at Red Robin and had dinner - then we just hung out in Rach and Kels's room for the rest of the night. We played a college-version of Mario Kart ;) watched movies and made 4 bags of popcorn. No joke, it was ridiculous! I got to sleep in this morning for the first time since spring break which was absolutely amazing! Never thought I'd be so excited about something so simple...but it was great!
I've been doing homework since I got back to my room, and I'm headed to the gym shortly to run & sauna. Mmm, sounds so good right now!
I'm so unbelievably excited for tomorrow! Kristen and I are going downtown at 4:30 to meet Brian for dinner before we see On The Town (the show he is in at the 5th Ave Theater)! Kristen and I have 2nd row seats, which will be insaneeeee. Plus, Brian's taking us backstage afterward....woohoo!!!
Also, my mom bought tickets to Jack Johnson at the Gorge in October, which seems so far away, but I don't care. I'm stoked. I'm also taking Rachel to her first concert ever (*jaw drop* I KNOW!!) in a few weeks. Lupe Fiasco & B.o.B at the Showbox...should be a good one! :]
Honestly, nothing too new has been going on. Being so busy I feel like I'm living a routine and I don't really diverge from it too often.
Having just a moment to myself, figured I should blog a little bit. Hope all is well <3

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Off my chest

I feel like everybody has a few things about them that they spend a lot of time questioning, “Why am I like this? Why do I think this way?” A lot of people think that these things are bad qualities, but I’ve recently begun to understand and accept these portions of myself…and it’s relieving. I have become less “ashamed” (not like I was ever REALLY ashamed of them, more confused by them) and they’re things that I feel like sharing.

There are very few people in the world I feel like I can truly trust and count on. I’m not trying to be a pessimist when I say this, it’s just very true for me. Ever since I was little, I’ve had few girl friends, a lot of guy friends and (since high school) intermittent boyfriends. My “circle of trust” through all of these ages has been small – 4 or 5 people at a maximum that I really share things with. For everybody else, especially boys I may have been interested in, I build a giant brick wall. It’s almost like I don’t want people to find out the true me until I’m sure they’re gonna stick around for awhile. Unfortunately I’m bad at determining this last little tidbit of information, oops! hahah! Time after time I feel like I’m at a good point in a relationship to divulge more information about myself to people and I always feel great about it. It’s not like I have a huge secret I keep from everybody, I just am not going to talk about things I consider to be serious with people I don’t trust. But, time after time I regret my decision to break down my walls and let somebody in because I get hurt. I know that it is a fact of life to be occasionally let down or hurt by people you trust, but I’m fed up with it. I would like to be able to fully trust somebody, be fully accepted by somebody, without being hurt in the end. Each time this happens, it’s upsetting of course, but my walls get higher. It takes more effort to feel confident in somebody, and my trust issues get larger. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is.

Along with this, I’m also a very reliant person. I tend to put a lot of weight on what people tell me or let me tell them. It’s not that I’m not independent because, trust me, I love my space and feeling like my own person, it’s more that I enjoy having somebody that I can count on to make me feel better if I’m having a rough day. I like having a person (or multiple people) that I know can cheer me up, send me to bed with a smile on my face and just be there throughout the day to converse with. I guess that reliant may be a strong word, but the companionship I feel with some of my friends is what I really love. Reliance, unfortunately, tends to set me up for disappointment. Granted I have friends that I’ve maintained since kindergarten and first grade, the short term reliance on relationships, boys, etc. tends to be a problem for my emotional well-being. Having said this, I’m thankful to realize these things about myself and accept them for something that makes me, well, me! Knowing that I am this way, it’s easier to go into more recent relationships and friendships because I can control my emotions and actions to better myself in the long run. Self-improvement for the win!

On a side note, I’m currently driving home from Manson, WA and I always forget how much I love it there…I went for a nice, long run yesterday afternoon and it’s so much prettier to run through the country than it is to run through the city. Much more peaceful. I can’t wait to spend some good time over there during the summer with the pool, lake, orchard and SUNSHINE :] Summer, I’m counting down the days…

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Holy #%&!@*&$

MUSE IS THE MOST AMAZING LIVE BAND EVER.

I've never been more blown away at a live performance - it was incredible.


Matthew Bellamy - MARRY ME PLEASE :]


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Let's Get Out of This Country

I am so unbelievably ready to get out of this country! I went to Borders over the weekend with Erina for our regular "I-want-to-sit-in-Borders-for-a-few-hours-and-read-books" trip :) It's a must when we're both home and bored! I spent most of my time in the travel section, reading books and travel guides on Europe. This particular book, written by Harvard graduate students, was particularly interesting to me. It is basically EXACTLY what I want to do. It's a guide to cheap travel in Europe for students! It has everything from itineraries for a week to an entire summer throughout Europe, a guide to the best ways to get around, cheap places to eat, the nicest (and cheapest) hostels to stay at, etc. It was amazing. I probably read 100 pages of it while I was sitting on the floor of Borders. I want to go on this trip so badly. I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait until I graduate. Saving money starts NOW because even though I'm traveling the "cheap" route. An entire summer away from home is gonna cost me a ton of money. Ahhh, I'm stoked.

I'll leave you with the Camera Obscura song that inspired the title of this blog. Love it!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Freshness

For those of you who read my blog, you may be less than satisfied from reading about my anything-but-glamorous life. I've recently blogged about meaningless shit, for lack of a better term, and I'm ready for it to end! From here on out (at least for a little while) this is dedicated to "meaningful" writing.

In the meantime, you really should check out Jason Mraz's blog Freshness Factor Five Thousand. It's really incredible and I'm amazed at some of the things he writes about. If there was a celebrity I could meet tomorrow, I think it would be him. He seems so chill, down-to-earth and realistic. Though those adjectives seem very similar, they mean different things to me. Regardless, his blog is amazing...and you should read it so you can take a lesson from somebody who's really trying to make a change in this world.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Beautiful

Today was gorgeous. I honestly can't get enough of the sun. Decked out in my shades and a sundress, it was perfect outside.

I also cannot stop listening to Colbie Caillat's newest album, Breakthrough. It's my new anthem album, and I sorta wish it wasn't! But it's pretty amazing.

I'd like a time out now please!?!

This is killing me. You're killing me.
Let's go back in time.
I'm not saying I'll change myself, but I'd change the way things happened in a heart beat.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Take me away

So let's see...been on break for approximately a weekend. Friday night was great - I got to see Chanel (and can't forget Tom and Tracey) finally! I hadn't seen her since October, when she moved to Montana, and it was great to catch up on EVERYTHING. Seriously, nobody gets me like she does - so it's incredible to just sit down and chat about everything. Went to dinner and her friend Ryan's for a bit, just hung out. Then woke up early for breakfast with the Mehrer family. Good times, I love it. Felt like summer all over again :]
Worked out early Saturday morning when I got home, then spent the day on the couch watching the NCAA tournament and my boys beat up on New Mexico for awhile. They're headed to the Sweet Sixteen and I couldn't be happier! Love it and everything that goes along with Husky basketball!
Went to the gym again today. Great workout, unfortunate ending to it though. Guess I'm just even more pumped to go tomorrow. Vu was working at the nail salon, so getting a pedicure was 29387529 times better than I was expecting. Yay!
Also got my Sasquatch playlist on my iPod finally - music from all of the major bands playing. Sure took forever to get it all, but it's so worth it! :]
Finally got to see Nick tonight, too. We went to ice cream (yummm) and then came back to my house and watched Inbetweeners and Swimfan. Inbetweeners is a hilarious British comedy, and definitely worth watching if you enjoy sexual humor. Swimfan...hmm. Not sure if it was the best or worst movie ever made. But it sure as hell reminded us of somebody we know, bahaha! Loved it.
It's been a roller coaster of emotions in the weekend I've been home, and I'm ready for everything to be stable again. If I had a time machine, I'd definitely use it. As for now, just gotta wait it out and see what happens. I'm definitely done expecting anything, which is quite sad. Maybe I'll be surprised.


On a completely random side-note, thanks to the Amazon Kindle commercial, this song has been stuck in my head all day:

"Fly Me Away" Annie Little

Silver Moons and paper chains,
Faded maps and shiny things.
You're my favorite one-man show.
A million different ways to go.

Will you fly me away?
Take me away with you,
My love.

Painted scenes, I'm up all night.
Slaying monsters, flying kites.
Speak to me in foreign tongues.
Share your secrets one by one.

Will you fly me away?
Take me away with you,
My love.

Now I cant think what life was like
Before I had you by my side.
Cant say what I'd do without you,
Knowing what its like to have you.

Hidden walk ways back in time.
Endless stories, lovers cry.
In my mind I've been set free.
Will you take this Journey
You and Me?

Will you Fly me away?
Take me away with you,
My love.

Fly me away with you,
My Love.

Take me away with you,
My Love.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Lately

Lately I've sucked at keeping up on this blog. For awhile there I was great at updating it frequently!
Oops! Oh well! My last final is today at 2:30. After that I'm headed back to Puyallup for some...fun? :] Chanel is there, which is just about the only thing I'm really excited about!

Should be an interesting week or so...hmm.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Establishment

Kristen and I were talking about this yesterday...people who are extremely Christian always question why I'm agnostic. And the thing is, I have experienced both ways of living - and there's not much of a difference in my life. As an agnostic, I credit myself to my good and wrong doings. I take responsibility for my actions (whether they be good or otherwise). Because I'm not Christian doesn't mean that I possess horrible values and am constantly doing wrongs. I do not mean for this diagram to be an insult, it's just part of my reasoning for being the way I am.


^click on the image and it gets bigger so you can read it^

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I've been productive!

And the countdown begins. I get to go home in 8 days. Until then, it's time to get shit done.

To Do:

-Study for Astronomy final (Monday 3/15)
-Edit English essays for portfolio (Wednesday 3/17)
-Write cover letter for portfolio (Wednesday 3/17)
-Read Murder textbook (Friday 3/19)
-Work out daily

However, I have been relatively productive in the past 36 hours. I've gotten an amazing amount of stuff done that hasn't actually been due yet, which is fantastic because I have way less to focus on now!

Recently Accomplished:
-English extra credit assignment
-Two essays edited for English portfolio
-Murder profiling assignment
-Astronomy lab
-Work out
-Contentment

Monday, March 8, 2010

Screwed...

over once again.

I'm sick of it, seriously.
*insert your favorite profanity here*

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Story of my life?

@ the studio

Yesterday was a blast. Maybe while it was happening we went a bit stir crazy, but it was so fun to just chill, jam and listen to music! The boys in Balcova are awesome and their tracks sounded great! :] It was a fantastic day with Lauren - shopping, teriyaki, sword fights, jammin', etc. Good times! Here are a few (of the many) pictures that we took!

Lauren with her spring roll!

Yeah, chopsticks.

Laurennnnnn!

Cool wooden sword we found.

The most epic picture I've ever taken! ;]

MEET BALCOVA:

Manager Bryce at the sound board doin' work!

Connor. Guitar :]

Lee. Bass :]

Joey. Guitar & vocals :]

Chase. Drums :]

Thursday, March 4, 2010

...it's already March?!?

Unbelievable! Time sure does fly. Winter quarter has gone by SO fast - but I feel as though the last two weeks are going to drag on and onnnnnnn.

Life Update
-I went to Pullman this past weekend. It was really fun and I'm glad I finally ventured over to the "dark side" ;) It was incredible to see my best friends, just being in their presence makes me so happy. The drive there and home was epic, I don't think I've ever hated driving more. But Rach & Kels were there to keep me entertained with their choreographed dances to just about every song...amazing.

-I registered for spring quarter! I'm excited - should be an interesting schedule. I'm taking an intro to economics class, communications and a sociology class about social movements and change. The only downfall, I start at 8:30 three days a week. Blech! :/ Oh well though! :] It will get me up early enough to go to the gym later and enjoy the spring sunshine!

-The cherry blossoms in the Quad are blooming...finally! :] They're so pretty!

-There was a riot/protest on campus today for the budget cuts and tuition raises. Hilarious, absolutely hilarious. They stormed into my sociology class chanting "Hey hey, ho ho, the budget cuts have got to go!" This prompted my professor to dance on stage, then later ask for a beer. God I love college.

-Brian and I went to see Legally Blonde at the 5th Ave. Theatre on Tuesday...IT WAS SO FRIGGIN AMAZING. Oh my goodness, I loved it (x2930752)! Seriously, so good. The music was catchy and upbeat, and the entire cast was talented. It was a great show and not boring at all. I was laughing (almost to tears) at portions of it, and if you liked the movie you would enjoy this show! Students get in for $21 the night of...which is an amazing deal. Especially considering Brian and I got into the 7th row. Helll yeahhhhh. Plus I beat Brian up afterward in the bus tunnel and the Sheriff looked at me and gave me a thumbs up. One of the best moments of my life! ;]

-I've decided to do a life cleanse - I'm not 100% sure how this is going to turn out, but I am excited to see. I think it's a good idea for me right now! :]

-All I wanna do right now is go back to Kauai and relive my 2008 vacation. I did so much growing over those three weeks, which is weird. Somebody I barely knew (and haven't spoken with since) changed my perception on life. It's seriously such a crazy experience to meet somebody for a few hours and have them impact you in that way. But it was an amazing vacation, filled with relaxation, sunshine and lots of fun. The whole mentality of that island is relaxation, and I am in love with it.

Surfboard fence. Hanalei, Hawaii. Photo by ME :]


-I had the best workout today. One of those ones where you're exhausted afterward, but you feel so awesome. :] It was great! 12+ miles on a bike, and over an hour of weights and abs. Mmm, loved it. Plus, rice & "salad toppings" (as Rachel calls them) for dinner! Delicious! I'm feelin' goooooooooooooood.

Think that's about it! Life is good right now, and I'm really glad I can say that and mean it! :]

Monday, March 1, 2010

$*!%&*@

If there's anything I've learned in the past 48 hours, it's that life can sure throw a mean curve-ball.
I wish I had an answer or could say "I don't really care" but I'd be lying through my teeth. This is frustrating beyond all reason.

Currently listening to:
"Window Blues" Band of Horses
Erase the facts
The shit was flyin' outta the window
I painted blue
I paint the whole room

When its time to get in trouble
We know just what to do

The screen door swayin'
Now baby gimme something to live for
I been a fool
I been a fool

No revelations in the water
No tears into the booze

In pains the floor
The worried people shaking the whole house
I i take it back
I take it all back

The regret that's got us sayin'
The hounds upon the tracks

And always in time
I'm never looking over my shoulder
I sing to you
I sing it to you

Keeping heads above the water and
Feet into the shoes

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Questions

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages; however, it's been only 3 days. I never thought I'd get addicted to something like writing on a "stupid" internet site, yet here I am. It's 12am and instead of finishing my draft for English, I'm writing here. And let me tell you, the process is much easier.
Lately it seems like everything in my life is up-in-the-air. I don't really know what I want anymore, and the concept of "not knowing" is quite bothersome to me.

Photo found on a great art site, DeviantArt by Tomek-Manik

I'm getting to the point (even though I know I still have time) that I just want to get it over with and KNOW (like 100% sure know) what I want to do with the rest of my life. Because, shit, I've got a lot of living left in me.
I also had the realization tonight that the thing I want to do more than anything in life is travel - somehow I need to make a job out of that. There's a really cool internship through STA that would be so amazing to get. Sadly I think they're looking for people who've already traveled the world. Oh well! I can do that stuff on my own ;)
Okay, okay, enough procrastination for one evening! G'night blogger, I shall miss you.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Today's been a blogging sort of day

I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.

Truth.

The Gambler

I can't stop listening to this song. "The Gambler" by fun. Nate Ruess (formerly of The Format) apparently likes writing songs about his parents. Like "On The Porch" this is an adorable one:

Slow down,
we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes.
We've got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden
I don't care to beg your pardon,
We should live until we die.

We were barely 18 when we'd crossed collective hearts.
It was cold, but it got warm when you'd barely crossed my eye.
and then you turned, put out your hand,
and you asked me to dance.
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose.
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time.
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side.

It was the winter of '86, and all the fields had frozen over.
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
and now he's turning to a man, although he thinks just like his mother,
he believes we're all just lovers he sees hope in everyone.

And even though she moved away,
we always get calls from our daughter.
She has eyes just like her father's
they are blue when skies are grey
And just like him, she never stops,
Never takes the day for granted,
works for everything that's handed to her,
Never once complains.

You think that I nearly lost you
When the doctors tried to take you away.
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire
30 years ago to this day
You swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time
Well it's not time, you've never quit in all your life.
So just take my hand, you know that I'll never leave your side.
You're the love of my life, you know that I'll never leave your side.

You come home from work and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dogs and say that I should never feed them what is ours
and the kids are coming home
I'll set the table
You can make the fire.

Random thoughts

So, Brian and I have been obsessed with watching Prison Break lately. I might be obsessed because Wentworth Miller is, um, amazing. But, it's a fantastic show regardless. Anyway, we were at the IMA the other day and saw this guy running the track with Scofield-esque tattoos. Definitely not as attractive, but it was funny.

Friday night, Rachel and I went to SigEp's formal grab-a-date. Dinner, "South Pacific" and then a cocktail party. I absolutely loved "South Pacific" but I'm normally into stuff like that. One of the first songs, "Twin Soliloquies" started out with these lyrics:

Wonder how I'd feel
Livin' on a hillside,
Lookin' on an ocean,
Beautiful and still.
Basically, I loved it.
Saturday was ESPN College Game Day at UW. How many times does a college student get a chance to be pretty much featured on ESPN. It was crazy awesome. Rachel and I woke up at SigEp around 5am and literally RAN to HecEd to meet up with Nick, Jason and Jake in line - then we cheered from about 7am to 9am. Then got to hang out in Harshmann court for, uh, 7 hours until they let us back into HecEd to film some cheers for marketing. The UCLA game didn't even start until 6pm, yet we were there 13 hours prior. It was the longest day of my life, but so fun. The Dawg Pack definitely sent off Quincy in an amazing way, and he played awesome in his last game at home.
Got home last night, did some homework, uploaded pictures, and crashed. I was exhausted from sleeping for less than 3 hours in 36 hours. Even after 11 hours of sleep and an energy drink, I'm still a bit sleepy today.
Off to do some more homework - yippeee. Peace & love.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Uncertainty

Those who know me best know that I hate not knowing things or not having a plan. Especially things that have to do with me directly.
As of now, life seems full of uncertainties. I don't know what I really want to do for the rest of my life, let alone what I should major in. So I'm beginning to fall into my backup plans - which I hate. I absolutely hate "settling" for something if I'm not 100% sure it's what I want. But the clock is ticking, and I'm running out of time.
I need answers - a subconscious that just knows what is right for me and what isn't.
The most frustrating part is I don't know what I want anymore, and that's not only in the school aspect of my life. I'm at a crossroad, and I basically have the ability to do whatever I feel is right. The problem is I don't know what is right. Either way, I would be unhappy in one way or another.
Right now, the one thing I know for certain is that I want spring break to come faster :D

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Swing life away

I've really had the urge to go swinging today...there's this really cool park near campus that I went to a long time ago that has the most amazing swings ever. I was seventeen and I never wanted to leave.
There's just something free about it. If you close your eyes it's almost like flying - that whole wind-in-your-face sort of thing. I quite enjoy it.
Life's been good. I'm getting happier, tanner and more driven by the day and I love it. The extended weekend was exactly what I needed - so many positive things came out of it. And in less than two weeks I get to see my best friends in Pullman...it's going to be epic! Plus, the car ride will be amazing with Rachel & Kelsey.
I'm full of optimism and I love it :]

Monday, February 15, 2010

I wish things were simple and easy and that I knew exactly what to do.