Questions

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages; however, it's been only 3 days. I never thought I'd get addicted to something like writing on a "stupid" internet site, yet here I am. It's 12am and instead of finishing my draft for English, I'm writing here. And let me tell you, the process is much easier.
Lately it seems like everything in my life is up-in-the-air. I don't really know what I want anymore, and the concept of "not knowing" is quite bothersome to me.

Photo found on a great art site, DeviantArt by Tomek-Manik

I'm getting to the point (even though I know I still have time) that I just want to get it over with and KNOW (like 100% sure know) what I want to do with the rest of my life. Because, shit, I've got a lot of living left in me.
I also had the realization tonight that the thing I want to do more than anything in life is travel - somehow I need to make a job out of that. There's a really cool internship through STA that would be so amazing to get. Sadly I think they're looking for people who've already traveled the world. Oh well! I can do that stuff on my own ;)
Okay, okay, enough procrastination for one evening! G'night blogger, I shall miss you.

Today's been a blogging sort of day

I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.

Truth.

The Gambler

I can't stop listening to this song. "The Gambler" by fun. Nate Ruess (formerly of The Format) apparently likes writing songs about his parents. Like "On The Porch" this is an adorable one:

Slow down,
we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes.
We've got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden
I don't care to beg your pardon,
We should live until we die.

We were barely 18 when we'd crossed collective hearts.
It was cold, but it got warm when you'd barely crossed my eye.
and then you turned, put out your hand,
and you asked me to dance.
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose.
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields
I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time.
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side.

It was the winter of '86, and all the fields had frozen over.
So we moved to Arizona to save our only son
and now he's turning to a man, although he thinks just like his mother,
he believes we're all just lovers he sees hope in everyone.

And even though she moved away,
we always get calls from our daughter.
She has eyes just like her father's
they are blue when skies are grey
And just like him, she never stops,
Never takes the day for granted,
works for everything that's handed to her,
Never once complains.

You think that I nearly lost you
When the doctors tried to take you away.
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire
30 years ago to this day
You swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time
Well it's not time, you've never quit in all your life.
So just take my hand, you know that I'll never leave your side.
You're the love of my life, you know that I'll never leave your side.

You come home from work and you kiss me on the eye
You curse the dogs and say that I should never feed them what is ours
and the kids are coming home
I'll set the table
You can make the fire.

Random thoughts

So, Brian and I have been obsessed with watching Prison Break lately. I might be obsessed because Wentworth Miller is, um, amazing. But, it's a fantastic show regardless. Anyway, we were at the IMA the other day and saw this guy running the track with Scofield-esque tattoos. Definitely not as attractive, but it was funny.

Friday night, Rachel and I went to SigEp's formal grab-a-date. Dinner, "South Pacific" and then a cocktail party. I absolutely loved "South Pacific" but I'm normally into stuff like that. One of the first songs, "Twin Soliloquies" started out with these lyrics:

Wonder how I'd feel
Livin' on a hillside,
Lookin' on an ocean,
Beautiful and still.

Basically, I loved it.
Saturday was ESPN College Game Day at UW. How many times does a college student get a chance to be pretty much featured on ESPN. It was crazy awesome. Rachel and I woke up at SigEp around 5am and literally RAN to HecEd to meet up with Nick, Jason and Jake in line - then we cheered from about 7am to 9am. Then got to hang out in Harshmann court for, uh, 7 hours until they let us back into HecEd to film some cheers for marketing. The UCLA game didn't even start until 6pm, yet we were there 13 hours prior. It was the longest day of my life, but so fun. The Dawg Pack definitely sent off Quincy in an amazing way, and he played awesome in his last game at home.
Got home last night, did some homework, uploaded pictures, and crashed. I was exhausted from sleeping for less than 3 hours in 36 hours. Even after 11 hours of sleep and an energy drink, I'm still a bit sleepy today.
Off to do some more homework - yippeee. Peace & love.

Uncertainty

Those who know me best know that I hate not knowing things or not having a plan. Especially things that have to do with me directly.
As of now, life seems full of uncertainties. I don't know what I really want to do for the rest of my life, let alone what I should major in. So I'm beginning to fall into my backup plans - which I hate. I absolutely hate "settling" for something if I'm not 100% sure it's what I want. But the clock is ticking, and I'm running out of time.
I need answers - a subconscious that just knows what is right for me and what isn't.
The most frustrating part is I don't know what I want anymore, and that's not only in the school aspect of my life. I'm at a crossroad, and I basically have the ability to do whatever I feel is right. The problem is I don't know what is right. Either way, I would be unhappy in one way or another.
Right now, the one thing I know for certain is that I want spring break to come faster :D

Swing life away

I've really had the urge to go swinging today...there's this really cool park near campus that I went to a long time ago that has the most amazing swings ever. I was seventeen and I never wanted to leave.
There's just something free about it. If you close your eyes it's almost like flying - that whole wind-in-your-face sort of thing. I quite enjoy it.
Life's been good. I'm getting happier, tanner and more driven by the day and I love it. The extended weekend was exactly what I needed - so many positive things came out of it. And in less than two weeks I get to see my best friends in Pullman...it's going to be epic! Plus, the car ride will be amazing with Rachel & Kelsey.
I'm full of optimism and I love it :]

I wish things were simple and easy and that I knew exactly what to do.

February 14, 2010

Oh Valentine's Day! Rachel and I have proclaimed that it is "Single Awareness Day" but it's not like we really needed reminders.
Last night was the best! I hung out with Erina - partied it up at PLU, then continued the party elsewhere on our own. It was great to just chill and have a relaxing evening with somebody I know I can count on.
Had a great conversation - don't know what's going to happen. But for the moment it made me really happy. Not in my hands anymore, so we'll see! :]
Back to Seattle tomorrow, and then school on Tuesday. Woo! Just over a month until Spring Break...THANK GOD :]
This PostSecret is hilarious - and so true.

YES!!!

Finally got confirmation about the job! I'm officially employed...THANK GOD! It is absolutely the perfect job for me, personality-wise, time-wise, etc. :] Now I don't have to worry about a job until at least next spring, and by that time I'll be looking for internships anyway. Also, I get all the same breaks as school, so I can still work at Stortini's and make bank over the summer.
I'm thrilled! Incredible.

Also, Rachel and I decided that we are "brain-twins" and had a super long chat today about EVERYTHING. Love it.

Um...please don't?

I don't understand some people.
If I flat-out tell you that I don't want to hook up with you - because you have a GIRLFRIEND you should probably listen to me!
"You know you love me :)" Yeah, the problem is...I don't. In fact, I don't even like you.
The fact that you're trying to "get with" me while you have a girlfriend is disgusting - but the fact that I tell you I'm not interested and you still try is even worse!

Why do some people have to be like this?

Future travels

Tuscany, Italy

Paris, France

Madrid, Spain

Santorini, Greece

This is definitely going to happen.

Sickest Superbowl Commercial - BY FAR

Productivity @ its finest :]

Even though I'm extremely frustrated with this class at the moment and I should be studying for a midterm as of now...you can't help but notice how beautiful these are :] Enjoy!

Wishes

Please let me forget about you.
Please stop consuming my thoughts.

Free me.

Pablo Neruda

"Si tu mi olvidas"

Quiero que sepas
una cosa.

Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.

Ahora bien,
si poco a poco dejas de quererme
dejaré de quererte poco a poco.

Si de pronto
me olvidas
no me busques,
que ya te habré olvidado.

Si consideras largo y loco
el viento de banderas
que pasa por mi vida
y te decides
a dejarme a la orilla
del corazón en que tengo raíces,
piensa
que en esa día,
a esa hora
levantaré los brazos
y saldrán mis raíces
a buscar otra tierra.

Pero
si cada día,
cada hora,
sientes que a mí estás destinada
con dulzura implacable,
si cada día sube
una flor a tus labios a buscarme,
ay amor mío, ay mía,
en mí todo ese fuego se repite,
en mí nada se apaga ni se olvida,
mi amor se nutre de tu amor, amada,
y mientras vivas estará en tus brazos
sin salir de los míos.

Photo in Hanalei Bay, Kauai - by John Albert

And for you non-Spanish speakers...

"If you forget me"

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

It's a beautiful day!

Had a bit of PhotoShop fun today on a picture I took this afternoon out my dorm window. Just messed around with the colors (obviously)! Even with all the scratches/dust on the glass window I like the "antiqued" look it has.
Regardless, today is beautiful on campus. A steamy 55 degrees is all we need for frisbee teams to take up practicing in the quad - and even the slack-lining has started up! There's even a kid giving FREE HUGS and it's pretty amazing to watch!
Besides the pretty weather, I got a package from Chanel today. Contents: note, Avett Brothers cds, Dexter Season 4 dvds, "Beer! The Outrageously Fun Drinking Game" cards, Starbucks (red) card and tons of love. Made my day a thousand times better :)
Seriously, it's funny how a little thing like opening a package can take me to an ultimate high of happiness! I love it.

Death

I'm not going to bull shit my way around this one, because being blunt about this is important: people of my generation take life for granted. I take my own life for granted. I wake up some mornings pissed off because I have an early class; I go to sleep upset because I didn't get the phone call or text message that I wanted; I walk through campus with my head down, dragging my feet because I'm tired; I sit through some lectures perusing facebook because I just don't want to pay attention. And it's horrible. It's time for a change...I need to fully appreciate what I have.

For my Sociology of Murder class we're reading a book called The Riverman by Robert Keppel. It's extremely interesting (if you're into this sort of stuff) but it's gruesome and terrifying. Keppel details the murder victims of Ted Bundy, then changes the story to Gary Ridgway and the Green River murders. This guy CONFESSED to 48 murders...which is besides the point, yet still disgusting. But it makes me think - why am I not living my life to the fullest every single moment I can?

I'm not expecting to die or be murdered anytime soon, but why do I sit around and complain or wish I had things better when my entire life is laying in front of me? On certain mornings, I wake up to this view out of my floor to ceiling windows. And I appreciate it, sure, but I should be in awe of it. Taking in every moment. I should be thanking my amazing family - every single day - because honestly, I wouldn't be where I am today without their support. Some people don't have a family to call their own. Some kids I know don't speak with one of their parents, and some have lost their parents in war or to sicknesses. Sometimes I want to kick myself for being so selfish.

Honestly, I just want to start appreciating life and all that is in store for me. In an ideal world, every moment of my life will be like this.

Joyous and full of love.

This is just me, being real and utterly disappointed in myself and the people of my age. We need to stop taking our lives for granted - because really, what are we doing worrying about what we're losing when we have everything to gain?

Life:

Bahahaha I don't know exactly why this cracks me up so much, but it does. Chanel sent this to me last week (it's a poster btw) and it's kind of been a running joke since the summer. Apparently she had it in her room when she was in college - and so it obviously deserves a spot in mine :] I don't think the roommates appreciate it as much as I do...but there's a reason it's on my portion of the wall. I miss you tons, Chanel!

As for life...this weekend was interesting. Mom came up on Friday and surprised me/took me to lunch! Got to see IZZY :] She's so damn cute. It was good to take a break from "college-life" for a minute and just chill with my mom, too!


I woke up on Saturday not feeling the best - but knew I had to fight through it and go to the basketball game with Kelsey...we smashed on the Cougs 92-63 which definitely made it seem worth it! :] Sadly it drained me completely of my energy and sent me into a downward spiral of feeling sick. I ran a fever Saturday night, all day Sunday and then woke up today feeling a lot better. I'm obviously not 100% yet, because I went to do laundry and it basically put me into a coma. I'm exhausted again. Aghh!

But, in other news - school's been going really well. I've been ridiculously happy these past few weeks! I think a lot of it has to do with me going out there and meeting tons of new people. I've been definitely needing to do that! It's been very good for me :] Rachel's been the best and it's good to have another girl to trust around here. I miss my girls at WSU!

As of now, I'm procrastinating (a lot!) on writing my paper due Wednesday. I know I have until Wednesday - and that's probably part of the problem. I just really need to get going so I don't have to stress about it later. So I should probably stop blogging and start writing academically!

So that's all for now, peace!